Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Performance Review

my very demeanor
my tone
in voice and in carriage
the posture
and the posture of rebellion
sarcasm and seduction
was a kind of classified ad
help wanted
oft-run
oft-answered
more frequently than deserved

thing about answering
help wanted ads
the buyer pays by the word
and I'm poor and I'm cheap
and a few lines of newsprint
doesn't flesh out your duties

live in nanny needed
no experience necessary
happy to train
seven days a week
twenty four hours a day
and other numbers too
dollars and telephone

but what wouldn't fit
in that ad
was the most advanced math
complicated computations
a gazillion job description bullet points
at gunpoint

because in this sitting job
the child is also your boss
a nightmarish gig
try redirecting a tantrum
when the one stomping his foot
is the one signing your checks
a pointless position
really
but hey there's drinks everywhere
and there's food in the fridge
so help yourself
just don't dare leave
a print on the stainless

because this baby's a neat freak
and a control freak
and a freak in the sheets
oh he needs discipline
but he's the boss
so keep the crib tidy
or find work someplace else
make the child behave
while you behave the way the child wants

so help yourself to the food
help yourself to the drinks
help yourself to me

help yourself
help me
and leave me alone

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