Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Involuntary Meditation

had a dream about you
last night
pissed me off
don't remember
the details
they were smudged into
film grain shadows
but still
upon awakening
I was irate

ham fisting
slumber sand
from my eyes
and walking half undead
to the coffee pot
making a bleary mess
of separating filters
and measuring brown grounds
I was mad as hell
and not just at
my sleep dumb hands
and socked-in brain

and not just anger
but impending doom
making a pit
not a pit
a vortex
of my stomach
I could hear the sucking sound
gut lining eating itself
basted in acid and bile
mmm
a familiar morning feeling
but I had that particular
sensation
set of sensations
long before
and long after
you'd come
and the only way I could
shake this rage
and empty gravity
was to make sure
I'd come
quick and efficient and hard
without romance
not even a trace of fantasy
because fantasies are so
like dreams

it's always been
easier
to make my water boil
than to shed it
to feel the arid stinging throat
to note the brief searing surface tension
before letting it fall briny and warm
much cooler than two hundred twelve
ninety eight six burns more

and for all my fury
and odd panic
and confusion
I wouldn't mind seeing you again

in color or black and white

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