Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I Deserve It

I fast became
like the trees were
the day after
our first date
bound up in crystal frost

you picked me up
in the storm
so desperate
the both of us
God bless the internet

don't even remember
the exact circumstances
that's the way
past circumstances go
when you're living
an underwater life
but I needed out of
my circumstance
and you were willing
over willing
overweight

gay boys are so shallow
and tortured
self tortured
bred for the auto loathe
when you feel like shit
they gotta feel like maggots
faggots

oh I can smell
low self esteem
like my own b o
revolting
and comforting
like intoxication
all I had to do
was be skinny
and
grin and bear it
and make you forget your head
with my head
and you couldn't believe it
I can be unbelievable
when I'm in need of
rescue

and you really couldn't shake
that doubt
not for our entire year
so I'd pour on the outrage
pour another vodka rocks
because the overweight one
was the lightweight one
and pray on my knees
pray wetly
tearful
pleading
open throated
that you might believe me
might keep me rescued
keep me
I'm not like the others
I see past the outside
like I was some prize

until prize became prisoner
I froze over
like those trees when we met
entombed
not floating at all
but surrounded by water
high on my stink
in the same old circumstance
unsure where tree ended
and ice began

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